FAQ Deep Dives

Yes — and for many women, off-body carry (in a purse, bag, or backpack) is the most practical option. Wardrobes, body types, and daily routines don't always accommodate on-body carry. The key is doing it safely and intentionally.

The non-negotiable: Trigger protection

Your firearm must be in a holster inside your bag that protects the trigger 100%. The trigger cannot be accessible at all without first removing the gun from the holster. This isn't optional — it's the foundation of safe purse carry. Keys, pens, lipstick tubes, and other items can cause a negligent discharge if the trigger is exposed.

Important considerations:

• Access time. Drawing from a purse takes longer than drawing from a holster on your body. Practice until you can do it smoothly under stress.
• Retention. Your purse can be snatched, set down, or grabbed. You need strategies to maintain control.
• Dedicated compartment. The firearm should be in its own compartment, separate from everything else — not floating around with your wallet and phone.

How to carry in a purse safely:

• Use a concealed carry purse with a dedicated firearm compartment, or a quality holster designed for bag carry
• The holster must fully cover the trigger guard — no exceptions
• Wear the purse cross-body so it stays with you and can't be easily snatched
• Keep it on your body or within arm's reach — never hang it on a chair back or leave it in a shopping cart
• Practice your draw regularly — know exactly how to access your firearm quickly
• Develop a plan for what happens if someone grabs your bag

Concealed carry permits are issued by your state, and requirements vary significantly. Some states make it easy; others make it difficult. Here's the general process that applies almost everywhere:

The typical steps:

• Check your state's requirements. Search "[your state] concealed carry permit requirements" for official information.
• Complete required training. Most states require a firearms safety course (4-16 hours typical). Some accept online courses; others require in-person with live fire.
• Gather documentation. Usually: government ID, proof of residency, training certificate, passport photos.
• Submit application. Typically to your local sheriff, police department, or state agency.
• Background check. Criminal history, mental health records, and other disqualifying factors are reviewed.
• Pay fees. Application fees range from $25-$200+ depending on state.
• Wait. Processing times vary from same-day to 6+ months.

Important variations:

• Constitutional carry states: 27+ states now allow concealed carry without a permit for eligible residents. You may still want a permit for reciprocity when traveling.
• "Shall issue" vs. "may issue": Shall-issue states must grant permits if you meet requirements. May-issue states (like CA, NY, NJ) give authorities discretion to deny.
• Reciprocity: Your permit may or may not be valid in other states. Check before you travel.

This is one of the most important things to think through before you ever carry. In the aftermath of a defensive gun use, you'll be in shock, flooded with adrenaline, and unable to think clearly. You need a simple system you can remember under extreme stress.

S — Secure Yourself and the Scene

• Is the threat stopped? Is the attacker down, incapacitated, or fled?
• Get to a safe position. Move to cover if possible. Create distance.
• Holster your firearm before police arrive. You do not want to be holding a gun when officers respond.
• Do not disturb the scene. Don't move anything, pick up casings, or alter evidence.
• If others are present, ask someone to stay as a witness if possible.

A — Alert 911 with Minimal Critical Information

Call 911 immediately. You want to be the one who reports this — not someone else whose version may be incomplete or inaccurate. Keep it brief:

• Your location — exact address or clear description
• What happened — "There's been a shooting. I was attacked and had to defend myself."
• What you need — "Please send police and an ambulance."
• Your description — So police know who the victim/caller is when they arrive: "I'm a woman, [describe what you're wearing]."

Then stop talking. The 911 operator may try to keep you on the line or ask more questions. You can say: "I'll stay on the line, but I need to focus on staying safe right now."

F — Facts Only, Not Feelings

When police arrive — and in the hours and days that follow — speak only in facts. Do not explain, justify, speculate, or describe your emotional state.

• Say: "I was attacked." Not: "I was so scared I thought I was going to die."
• Say: "He came at me." Not: "He looked like he was going to kill me."
• Say: "I defended myself." Not: "I had no choice, he made me do it."

Your feelings are valid. But in a legal context, feelings can be misinterpreted, taken out of context, or used against you. Stick to observable facts.

E — Exercise Your Rights

You have the right to remain silent and the right to an attorney. Use them — clearly and respectfully.

What to say to police:

• "I was attacked and I defended myself."
• "I want to cooperate fully."
• "I will give a complete statement after I've spoken with my attorney."

Also do:

• Point out evidence: "The knife he had is over there." "There's a witness who saw what happened."
• Keep your hands visible at all times
• Follow officer commands exactly
• Do not resist if you are detained — even if it feels unfair

Why This Matters

Everything you say — to 911, to police, to witnesses, even to family members — can be used in a legal proceeding. In the hours after a traumatic event, your memory is unreliable, your words may be imprecise, and your emotional state can make you say things that sound different than you intend.

The S.A.F.E. protocol isn't about hiding anything. It's about protecting yourself from the consequences of speaking during the worst moment of your life, when you're least equipped to do so accurately.

After the Immediate Aftermath

• Contact your attorney — or your self-defense legal coverage provider (USCCA, CCW Safe, etc.) immediately
• Do not post on social media — nothing, to anyone, about anything related to the incident
• Do not discuss details with friends or family until you've spoken with legal counsel
• Seek support — Using lethal force, even justifiably, is traumatic. A mental health professional who understands defensive situations can help

It can be — but only with proper storage, education, and vigilance. This isn't something to take lightly or figure out later.

The non-negotiables:

• Secure storage. When not in your direct control, firearms must be locked in a safe or lockbox. "Hidden" is not "secured." Children find things — assume they will find yours.
• Quick-access options exist. Bedside safes with biometric or push-button entry let you access a firearm in seconds while keeping it locked from children.
• Every gun, every time. There are no exceptions. Unloaded guns are still dangerous — kids don't know the difference, and you might be wrong about it being unloaded.

Age-appropriate education:

• Young children: Keep the message simple and clear: "If you see a gun, don't touch it. Leave the room right away. Tell an adult immediately." Practice this like a fire drill.
• Older children: Demystify firearms through supervised education. Curiosity is natural — forbidden objects become more interesting. Teach respect and understanding, not just fear.
• Teenagers: More detailed education about safety, responsibility, and consequences. Consider supervised range time if appropriate. Important: Be aware that teen suicide is a serious risk, and firearms in the home increase that risk significantly. If your teenager is struggling with depression, anxiety, or emotional difficulties, temporarily removing firearms from the home — or ensuring they have absolutely no access — may be the most important safety decision you can make. This isn't about distrust; it's about removing means during vulnerable moments.

What about their friends?

Your kids might follow the rules perfectly — but what about visitors? Children who've never been taught gun safety may search your home out of curiosity. Secure storage protects everyone.

This conversation is often harder than learning to shoot. Family members may have strong feelings — fear, political objections, or concerns about your judgment. Here's how to approach it.

Before the conversation:

• Know your "why." Be clear on your reasons. "I want to be able to protect myself and our family" is different from "I just think guns are cool."
• Anticipate their concerns. Safety? Politics? What will others think? Prepare thoughtful responses.
• Choose the right time. Not during an argument or stressful moment. Make it a dedicated conversation.

During the conversation:

• Lead with your reasoning. Explain what prompted this decision. A scary experience? General preparedness? Changing circumstances?
• Emphasize your commitment to training. This isn't impulsive — you're taking it seriously.
• Address safety directly. Explain your storage plan, especially if children are involved.
• Listen to their concerns. Don't dismiss fears. Acknowledge them and explain how you're addressing them.
• Invite them in. Offer to take them to the range, show them how the safe works, or include them in a safety conversation.

If they're opposed:

You may not get enthusiastic support — and that's okay. You're not asking for permission. But maintaining respect and open dialogue matters. Sometimes people come around once they see your seriousness and responsibility over time.

Federal law sets the minimum requirements, but your state may add more. Here's what to expect when buying from a licensed dealer.

Federal requirements (everywhere):

• Age 21+ to purchase a handgun from a licensed dealer
• Valid government-issued photo ID showing current address
• ATF Form 4473 — a federal form with questions about citizenship, criminal history, mental health, drug use, and other disqualifying factors
• NICS background check — the dealer runs this; results are usually instant but can take up to 3 days
• Not a "prohibited person" — felons, domestic violence convicts, those with restraining orders, and others are federally prohibited from purchasing

Common state additions:

• Waiting periods: Some states require 3-14 days between purchase and pickup
• Purchase permits: Some states require a separate permit before you can buy
• Safety certificates: Some states require passing a written test
• Registration: A few states require registering handguns
• Handgun rosters: Some states (like CA) limit which handgun models can be sold

Private sales:

Requirements for buying from a private individual (not a dealer) vary dramatically by state. Some states require all transfers to go through a dealer with a background check; others have no requirements for private sales.

There's no single "best" gun — the right choice depends entirely on you. Anyone who gives you a brand and model without asking questions is giving advice based on their preferences, not yours.

Questions that actually matter:

• What's the primary purpose? Home defense? Concealed carry? Both? This affects size significantly.
• Can you manipulate it? Can you rack the slide, reach the controls, manage the recoil? This matters more than brand names.
• Will you actually carry it? The "best" gun is useless if it's too heavy, uncomfortable, or inconvenient to carry daily.
• Can you shoot it well? A gun you can shoot accurately beats a "better" gun you can't hit anything with.

General guidance:

• Caliber: 9mm is the most commonly recommended for self-defense — effective, manageable recoil, affordable to practice with, widely available.
• Size: Compact or subcompact for concealed carry; full-size is easier to shoot but harder to conceal.
• Capacity: More rounds is generally better, but not at the expense of concealability or comfort.
• Simplicity: For beginners, simpler is often better. Fewer manual safeties and controls to remember under stress.

A word about .22 caliber:

You'll often hear ".22 is for learning, not defense." Here's the nuance: while larger calibers are generally more effective for stopping threats, a .22 that you can shoot well, handle confidently, and will actually carry is infinitely better than a 9mm sitting in a drawer because you're intimidated by it. For some women — particularly those with hand strength limitations, arthritis, or recoil sensitivity — a .22 may be the only viable option. Shot placement matters more than caliber, and confidence matters more than either. Don't let anyone shame you out of a firearm you'll actually use.

The real answer: Handle many options. Rent and shoot before you buy if possible. Let your hands, your accuracy, and your lifestyle guide the decision — not marketing or well-meaning advice from people who aren't you.

More than most people get. Less than you might fear. The honest answer is: it depends on what "ready" means to you.

The bare minimum (not recommended):

Legally, most states require just a basic safety course (if anything) for a concealed carry permit. This typically covers safe handling, storage, and laws — not how to actually use a firearm defensively. Meeting legal minimums does not mean you're prepared.

What competence actually requires:

• Safe handling: Loading, unloading, clearing malfunctions — until it's automatic
• Basic marksmanship: Hitting what you're aiming at, consistently, at realistic distances (3-7 yards for self-defense)
• Drawing from concealment: If you carry, you need to practice accessing your gun from however you carry it
• Shooting under stress: Your skills degrade dramatically under adrenaline. You need to train beyond "range comfortable."
• Decision-making: When to shoot, when not to, legal implications — this is as important as marksmanship

Building real capability:

• Foundation: Comprehensive training that builds understanding, not just mechanics
• Practice: Regular reinforcement — monthly at minimum, weekly is better
• Progression: Moving from basics to defensive scenarios to stress inoculation
• Maintenance: Ongoing practice and periodic skill checks
• Dry fire: Practice at home (free, effective, builds fundamentals you can access under stress)

This question means you're thinking seriously about what firearm ownership actually means. That's a good thing. Many people skip this reflection entirely.

The honest answer: you can't know for certain how you'd respond until you're in that situation. But you can — and should — think it through beforehand.

Questions to sit with:

• If someone was threatening my life or my child's life, what would I be willing to do?
• Am I prepared for the legal, emotional, and psychological aftermath of using lethal force?
• Is hesitation in a critical moment a risk I'm willing to accept?
• Could I live with the consequences of acting — and of not acting?

What this uncertainty might mean:

• You might not be ready yet. That's okay. There's no shame in waiting until you've resolved this internally.
• You might need more training. Confidence often comes with competence. As skills improve, hesitation often decreases.
• You might benefit from other protection layers first. Awareness, avoidance, de-escalation, and non-lethal tools are all valid parts of a protection plan.
• Firearms might not be right for you. Also okay. Not everyone should carry, and knowing that about yourself is wisdom, not weakness.

If you carry, you're accepting that in the worst moment of your life, you may need to make an irreversible decision in a fraction of a second. Thinking about it now — not avoiding the question — is how you prepare.

If you share a living space: yes. This isn't about permission — it's about safety, trust, and practicality.

Why disclosure matters:

• Safety. They need to know a firearm is in the home, where it's stored, and what to do (or not do) around it.
• Emergency situations. If something happens to you, they need to know the gun exists and how to secure it.
• Legal exposure. In some situations, undisclosed firearms in shared spaces can create legal complications for everyone.
• Trust. Keeping a lethal weapon secret from someone you live with is a significant breach of trust if discovered.

What they need to know:

• That a firearm is in the home
• That it's secured and inaccessible without your involvement
• Basic safety rules (don't touch, assume it's loaded)
• What to do if there's an emergency and you're not there

What if they're opposed?

This is a conversation, not a negotiation over your right to self-protection. But their comfort in their own home matters too. Possible compromises: enhanced storage security, keeping it only in your private space, or agreeing on house rules.

If a roommate is fundamentally incompatible with firearms being present, that's important information for your living arrangement decisions.