You took a self-defense class once. Maybe twice. You learned some moves, felt empowered for a few days, and then... nothing stuck. A few months later, you couldn't remember what you were supposed to do if someone grabbed your wrist. The confidence faded. You were left wondering if you just weren't trying hard enough.
Here's the truth: it wasn't you. It was the training.
Most self-defense instruction is built on frameworks designed for men, taught in ways that don't match how women learn, and focused on scenarios that rarely reflect women's actual experiences. The system is broken. Let's talk about why — and what actually works.
Problem #1: Designed for Male Bodies
Techniques assume equal strength and size
Traditional martial arts were developed by men, for men. The techniques assume a relatively level playing field. But for most women, the attacker will be larger and stronger. Moves that work against a compliant partner fail when there's a significant strength differential.
Leverage, angles, and escape over engagement
Effective women's self-defense uses your lower center of gravity, targets vulnerable areas that don't require strength (eyes, throat, groin), and focuses on creating distance to escape — not winning a prolonged fight.
Problem #2: Wrong Scenarios
The parking garage obsession
Traditional training fixates on stranger attacks. But women are far more likely to face threats from people they know — dates, partners, acquaintances. These situations need different skills: recognizing escalation, setting verbal boundaries, leaving without "making a scene."
Training that reflects real life
Instruction should include boundary-setting with people you know, recognizing coercive tactics, and de-escalating before things become physical. Most danger doesn't look like movie fight scenes.
Problem #3: One Class, Nothing Sticks
The weekend workshop model
Most women's self-defense is a one-time event: a seminar, a 4-week class. Information is dumped, then everyone goes home. But motor skills require repetition. Without practice, retention drops to near zero within weeks.
Continuous learning with reinforcement
Skills need to be revisited over time. Effective training is a journey, not an event — with progressive skill-building and regular reinforcement.
Problem #4: Skipping the Foundation
Jumping to physical techniques
Training dives into punches without addressing awareness, instincts, and verbal skills that prevent most situations from becoming physical. It's like teaching fire extinguishers without mentioning smoke detectors.
A layered system starting with awareness
Real protection builds from mindset → awareness → verbal skills → physical escape → tools. Each layer reduces the need for the next. Physical techniques are the last resort, not the first lesson.
Problem #5: Ignoring How Women Learn
Male teaching styles for female students
Women often learn differently — benefiting from understanding "why" before "how," preferring collaborative over competitive environments. Traditional martial arts instruction doesn't account for this.
Training designed for how women learn
Instruction that explains context, creates supportive environments, connects skills to everyday life, and is taught by women who understand the challenges women face.
Problem #6: Ignoring Freeze Response
Assuming you'll "fight back"
Training assumes you'll execute techniques under threat. But the most common response isn't fight or flight — it's freeze. Your brain floods with stress hormones, fine motor skills disappear. Teaching techniques without addressing this sets women up to feel like failures.
Trauma-informed training
Effective training acknowledges freeze response, teaches gross motor movements that work under stress, and removes shame around freezing — it's a survival response, not a failure.
What Actually Works
Real protection training for women needs to be:
- Designed for women's bodies — leveraging our strengths
- Realistic about threats — addressing situations women actually face
- Ongoing — building skills over time
- Layered — starting with awareness before techniques
- Built for how women learn — supportive, context-rich
- Trauma-informed — working with your nervous system
The goal isn't to turn you into a fighter. It's to make you so aware, so boundaried, so confident that fighting becomes the last resort you rarely need.
If you've tried self-defense training before and felt like it didn't stick — now you know the truth. The system wasn't designed for you.
But that's changing.
Training Designed for You
Fierana is built from the ground up around how women learn and what actually works. No pink-washed martial arts. Just real protection skills for real life.
Join the Founding Circle